Naruto and Sasuke's Random Adventure
by TobiAkatsukiLover
Summary: The title explains it all. They go on an adventure, and it doesn't quite turn out how they expected it to. Rated for slight language. LOTS of OOCness and a total crackfic. You've been warned.


Okay, so I just read my Haku fic again... and had a sudden urge to write another crackfic, seeing as I'm stuck on my SasoIta fic and I'm really bored right now. Note that this is plotless and practically everyone is gonna be OOC. Look for cameoes of characters and items from all over!

Credit for the Akatsuki Sailor song video goes to Hellpoemer, and 'Sailor Song' belongs to Toybox.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Naruto series.

"Regular talking"

**"Narrator talking"**

_sound effects _and _songs_

* * *

In this world, where Gaara is God and little pink gerbils with sharp, pointy teeth and big, staring eyes roam the land, there lives a beastly, pink-haired cyclops known as Askura. And it is precisely here that our adventures, Naruto the Retarded and Sasuke the Emo, began their trek up the mountain to the beast's lair. They passed many rocks- large and small, bumpy and smooth, brown and grey, dirty and-

_WHACK!_ Kiba throws a sausage at the narrator.

"Get on with it!" he growls. (LOL Monty Python moment)

**"WHY SHOULD I?" **an unknown voice booms across the land.

"Cause nobody wants to read that shit! Make something funny happen!"

**"ALL RIGHT, THEN..." **Lightning flashes across the sky (although it's neither raining nor cloudy) and it starts raining random jelly beans, corny 3D glasses, and Itachi appears out of nowhere doing the chicken dance in a burrito suit.

Kiba stares horrified at this total scene of destruction. He stays frozen in place for a moment, but then turns around at the sound of a car approaching, its winshield wipers knocking aside jelly beans. When the car stops and the backseat door opens, the background changes to a pirate ship and Deidara steps out.

"Thanks, hmm." Deidara digs through his pockets and pulls out a dog biscuit, handing it to the driver. He walks off to another area of the ship.

Kiba jerks his head to the side to look at the driver. "WHAT THE HELL!!" There sat a normal human being... except for his head. It was Akamaru's head on a human body! "A... Akama... ru...? Wh... what happened...?! You..." The Akamaru-Human suddenly hit the gas pedal, driving off the ship into the water with a huge splash. "AKAMARU, NO!!" Kiba jumps in the ocean after his dog, but to no avail. So they both drowned. Actually, they grew gills and lived among the seamonkeys. I don't know how, though.

Anyway! Poor, unfortunate Naruto and Sasuke are still on the ship, along with Askura.

"Look! The beast! It's the beast!" Sasuke the Emo points at the cyclops.

Naruto the Retarded squints at it. "No, I don't think so. It's just lost."

"What? Have you gone mad?! That is the beast!"

"No, I really do think it's just lost. See? It's only got one eye. No wonder it's lost."

"We have to kill it!"

"We should give it a map."

"Oh, where's it going to go? Down the road to the left?" Sasuke's voice drips sarcasm.

"No, up the road to the right."

"..."

"What?"

"You dumb fuck."

Naruto pouts. Then he sits down cross-legged, facing away from Sasuke.

Sasuke slaps his forehead. "Stupid... so _stupid!_" Then he pulls a slingshot out of his pocket, aims at Askura's eye, and fires. Askura roars in pain, then trips over something and falls in the water and dies. "I HAVE SLAYED THE BEAST!"

With Deidara...

He runs as quickly as he can up the stairs, despite the fact that he passed the same hole in the wall fifteen times now. Finally, he collapses, out of breath. "Stupid... dipshit... leader... pointless... secret... paths..." He raises his head. Ah, there's the door he was looking for! Deidara slowly stands up, cursing the leader. (seriously, _why _would anyone want to run up the same flight of stairs fifteen times before the door appears?!) Regaining his composure, he opens the door and walks in. There stands his leader, Pein, along with Sasori, Zetsu, Kisame, and Itachi... in a burrito suit?! Deidara gives Itachi a 'WTF?' look, but Pein interrupts him before he can ask.

"It is time to rehearse for our audience..."

Back to Dumb and Dumber...

"Look, I said I'm sorry!" Sasuke yells at his blonde friend.

"But... you... you _yelled _at me! And _swore!_" Naruto's eyes are filled with tears.

"Dude, you thought Askura the Cyclops was a lost traveler!"

"Well, you didn't have to be so rude about it!"

"Naruto, I-" Sasuke gets cut off by a loud explosion. "What the hell?!"

They both look towards the smoke. A large life boat hangs on ropes in the air, surrounded by fake waves. Six of the Akatsuki members are on the boat, and there is a single black flag raised high above their heads with a single red cloud upon it. Then they broke out in song.

_So if we all come together  
We know what to do  
We all come together just to sing  
"We love you"  
And if we all come together  
We know what to do  
We all come together just for you_

(Itachi solo)

_Racing all around the seven seas  
Chasing all the girls and making robberies  
Causing panic everywhere they go  
Party-hardy on Titanic_

(Back to group singing)

_Sailing, sailing, jumping off the railing  
Drinking, drinking, till the ship is sinking  
Gambling, stealing, lots of sex-appealing  
_(Itachi) _Come, let's sing the 'Sailor Song'_

(Group)

_So if we all come together  
We know what to do  
We all come together just to sing  
"We love you"  
And if we all come together  
We know what to do  
We all come together just for you_

Then Zetsu jumps off the floating life boat and crashes to the deck of the actual boat they're on. And he screamed on the way down. Like a little girl.

Sasuke and Naruto stare at this strange display of ultimate evil. Sasuke twitches and turns to stone because of Itachi's creepy singing voice, and Naruto turns and runs, screaming his head off. Then he trips over something. But not just any something. It was the same something that killed the cyclops Askura! Naruto bends down and picks it up. It's... a paint brush? No... even better! A RAINBOW paint brush!

"Sweet!" Naruto runs over and paints the Sasuke statue with the paint brush. Somehow, by an unknown force, Sasuke goes from stone to rainbow! "Uhh... Sasuke?"

"What, loser?"

"You look really gay now..." Naruto holds back his laughter.

Sasuke looks down at himself. "...I'm gonna fucking kill you."

So Sasuke chases Naruto into the ocean (Akatsuki long forgotten) and corners him in a big, underwater castle. The strange water in this particular area causes them to grow gills, thouroughly freaking them out.

Sasuke, in his absence of anger, says, "Eewww... gross..."

"Sasuke, look!" Naruto yells. (as best as he could underwater) He points to a big sign. It says 'Seamonkey Stadium'. Sure enough, they were in front of an arena.

"Hey, Naruto! Sasuke!" Kiba swims up to them, accompanied by his dog-human, Akamaru.

Sasuke's left eye twitches. "What... the fuck."

"Hey, Kiba! We fell in the water, too! Believe it!" (and you thought you'd never hear it...)

"Wanna go watch the fight?" Kiba grins.

"Yeah!" So Naruto and Sasuke follow their aquatic dog-like friends into the stadium. Pushing through the crowd, they got front-row seats to the battle. The two fighters are in a huge air bubble so they can breathe, but the crowd is still in the water. On the left is a pointy-eared swordsman wearing strange green clothes. On the right is a blonde boy with a pointy metal arm and a fancy red jacket. The scoreboard on the other side reads 'Deathmatch! The First and Last Duel Between Link and Edward Elric!'

"Deathmatch?! You people are crazy!" Naruto swims away.

"Wait, Naruto!" Sasuke considers going after Naruto, but decides against it.

...Until the two fighters turn and start killing people in the crowd.

Sasuke shouts over the screaming crowd, "You never told me they were imprisoned and forced to fight!! No wonder they're doing this!!"

"I didn't know!!" So they proceeded to swim away and look for Naruto.

After two hours, they find Naruto eating underwater ramen at a food court.

Sasuke sighs. "Go on, Kiba. I got this." Kiba swims away. Sasuke heads on over to Naruto. "Can we leave yet? My fingers look like prunes. It's disgusting."

"All right." So they swim out of the castle, and up to the surface of the water. On the way, their gills disappear. "That's pretty weird, huh?" Naruto points to where his gills used to be. (once they surfaced)

"Whatever. I want to go home _now, _dammit!"

"Stop PMS-ing, Sasuke. It's a long swim home."

"I-!" Sasuke decides it's better not to argue with Naruto, though he swears to beat him with a dead fish once they get to dry land. He smirks. Or better yet...

Sasuke (somehow) gets a rope and ties Naruto's ankle to a heavy rock (that appears out of nowhere) and lets him sink back down to Seamonkey Castle.

"SASUKE YOU BAS-" But poor Naruto is cut off once his head sinks underwater. He won't drown, though. Just get gills. Sure, when the seamonkeys release him, he'll chase down Sasuke and try to kill him, but until then, Sasuke can live peacefully. So he happily swims home and burns all of Naruto's ramen in a big bonfire. End of story.

* * *

Just to make things clear, I was _not _trying to bash Sakura, Naruto, or anyone else. I love almost every Naruto character, and I did what I did to (hopefully) make it funnier. Flame me if you want, but I did warn you it was OOC and crack-filled.


End file.
